How does one start a blog?
Why must words be so hard to throw onto this screen? Can't I just throw a picture there and be done with it? Why did I think this would be a good idea? I can't write, there are no words, and no one wants to read my words.
I look back to who I was twelve years ago, when I started a blog for the first time. It was terrible filled with cringe, and at some point I talked about how one of my greatest fears was to braid my hair [a]. I wish I could do the same thing I did back when I found my old diaries in high-school and burn it.
Yet, the person I was then was a lot braver than the person I am now, and I miss her. I miss how she would stand up for herself against the world. How bright and naive she once was, unashamed if no one else read her words - she was gonna get them out there anyway.
Someone who would proudly write a drama epic called The Bold and The Jeepney [b] - about the adventures of a girl and public transport - must have been brave, right?
That's the thing though, isn't it? When you're young and haven't faced the world with all its hardships and failures? You're strong and unafraid to meet challenges whatever they may be.
As I start on my new adventure - with writing, photography, and coding - I'm terrified. Terrified of failure, of mistakes, of falling, of never getting up, and most of all - mediocrity.
I'm so terrified of mediocrity that I thought it would cripple me from starting.
Still, look at me now, trying to be brave. Trying to channel my teenage self - who packed up all of her belongings at 17 and moved to a different country to live on her own.
I need her bravery, and you know what - reader of my work?
I will have it.
***
Footnotes:
a. "But, I'm scared of braiding... I don't know why but I'm always been scared of braiding my hair. Somehow it freaks me out. But one day, I will get over it. I will face my fears. I cannot believe I am talking about braiding my hair in my blog site. I am so nuts. "
b. I got to admit, I was freaking hilarious as a teenager though.