Fangirl

A sticker made by the talented Whitney from @whitbs_art on Instagram

My husband's niece, the talented Whitney, sent me a sticker in preparation for Deadpool 2.

Saying that I'm a big fangirl of Deadpool would be understating the obvious. You see, if you would open any major dictionary now to the term fangirl, you will see a picture of me during my wedding, holding a Deadpool-inspired bouquet, and nothing else [a].

Growing up in Brunei [b], I didn't really get to realize my potential of being a fangirl. I mean, we had Japanes Anime and everyone was always up to date to the latest episode of Naruto, One Piece and Bleach [c], but it was just a normal thing for us, you know? No one made fun of me for being interested in these things because no one considered them dorky.

When I moved to the Philippines, I think people expected me to discard my "childish" ways. People at my college couldn't understand why I was so obsessed with fictional characters, and not even the acceptable fictional characters. Anime and comics are cartoon, meant for children, while TV dramas are for adults.

So instead of discarding my love for anime and comics, I just added to my plethora of fictional love. I became obsessed with Psych, Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and every single rom-com Korean drama I could get my hands on [d].

It was only when I moved to Korea, and started being exposed to Westerners, that I realized that being nerdy didn't always used to be a cool thing. That people used to look down on people like me, and even though it's starting to be accepted by society now - there are still people who look down on it.

All because we are passionate about our fictional stories.

I never understood it, maybe because I never had to go through it growing up, and I was never bullied because I was a nerd [e]. But what I did start to experience was Nerd Gate-Keeping. It was as if I wasn't nerdy enough.

I couldn't be a music nerd because I enjoy listening to Taylor Swift and Kpop. I couldn't be an anime nerd because I only know about Naruto, One Piece, and Attack on Titans. I couldn't be a comic book nerd because I'm only knowledgeable about Deadpool. I couldn't be a theater nerd because my favorite play is Legally Blonde the Musical and I have yet to try watching Hamilton. I can't really be a game nerd because I choose to play on the easiest mode and rely on walkthroughs.

Was it because they thought I wasn't bullied then that I should be bullied now? Can't we all just be nerds and enjoy our nerd-fun together without being labeled a fake?

I am a nerd, and I don't have to quantify that.

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Footnotes:

a. I'm obviously exaggerating, but how could would that actually be? How exactly would one go about making that happen? Inquiring minds need to know!

b. A small but rich Muslim country in South East Asia, near Malaysia and Singapore.

c. Everyone still is.

d. I became the dealer of these shows to my fellow students in boarding school. They knew that I had access to the latest drama and they came to me for their fix. I was a benevolent dealer, giving them away for free, and I watched them destroy their lives like these dramas destroyed mine.

e. I mean, I was still bullied but because of other reasons.