One of my biggest weaknesses is a fear of failure.
I likened it to why I never learned to climb trees. I've always liked the idea of climbing to the top, sitting in the branches, and looking out at the surroundings. It's just I was scared of falling, scared of breaking a branch and my face at the same time, so I never tried. In fact, I've almost convinced myself that it's because I never would have liked it anyway.
It was the same when I tried acting in theater. I auditioned for this play as an adult and I got one of the secondary roles [a] and I'd like to think I did well. I definitely know that I enjoyed it. However, I saw actors who were better than me; the leads who proved themselves amazing. I felt myself sinking into obscurity, so I gave it up. I've almost convinced myself that it was because I wouldn't have enjoyed being famous anyway - so why even take the first step?
I thought about writing, and I have so many stories that I've dreamed up in my head. My subconscious is weird and I've had some pretty awesome dreams that could have been made into some story of sorts [b]. But when I try to pen to paper, I realize how inadequate I am. So I convince myself that I probably wasn't any good of a writer anyway, why bother? Anything I dream up, someone else can do better.
Even with photography - I try but it's so hard to silence the voices in my head telling me to give it up because anything I do know will have been done a million thousand times by a million thousand other photographers with better cameras, better training and longer years in the business.
That's when a friend of mine stopped my rant and told me to consider those long years. Of course they're gonna be better than I am, they've been at it for so much longer than I have. They refused to let the fear of failing stop them from trying, from continuing. They didn't let the voices in their heads convince them that they don't actually want something they've been craving all along.
So I'm going to put myself out there and no longer let the fear of failure stop me from trying, training, practicing, and doing the things that I've always wanted to do.
Maybe one day, I'll even climb that tree.
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Footnotes:
a. I played the sidekick eunuch of the queen, who was the main antagonist. When I auditioned, I was going for hilarious evil queen, but they were looking for a serious type, and so gave me the funny role haha.
b. My favorite ones include a mutant-riddled world entitled Calcium Boy, and a sort of apocalyptic world involving horny dragons entitled Parasites.