For a long time I've wanted to be as cool and/or chill as this dog so obviously is.
I failed when I was younger because I always too eager, the need to please everyone and to be everyone's friend was to strong in me. Nobody really liked who I was when I was in elementary school.
I came close in high school. I mean - I wasn't cool or anything, but I think I at least passed the loser level and unto weirdo/nerd level. At least I had friends, really good friends, in high school.
Then university/college came. I had to move to a whole new different country and had to start from scratch in building my reputation. On one hand, I could build a new persona there - someone who was totally different from the old personality that I had back in my hometown.
I managed to slightly succeed, and everyone for awhile thought I was smart, independent and interesting. It didn't last very long, honestly - because my own brand of "crazy" cropped up and soon, everyone knew I wasn't the calm, cool, and chill girl that I liked to portray.
Eventually, I left that country too - another chance at a new persona, at a new me, someone different, someone that isn't labeled as crazy or weird.
I failed in that spectacularly.
It just wasn't meant to be, I suppose. I'm not calm - I'm excitable. I'm not chill - I'm emotional. I'm not cool - I'm obsessive. I have very strong feelings about very different things.
And that's okay.
I've learned, as I grow older, I didn't have time to play games with friends and in relationships. I had stuff to do and I didn't want to waste my time on people who will always eventually see who I truly am and leave me.
Might as well be who I am, and let the people who love the kind of person I am, find me.
